B83 Having difficult conversations remotely

By now we have all sort of got used to having conversations remotely. Even if the videos are on we are still deprived of our ability to sense the context and mood in its entirety for various reasons. And these times are compelling us even more to have difficult conversations with team members , service providers ,clients.. .

Here are a few of my #learnings
1) Put your thoughts in writing (This will help in clarifying your purpose and goals)
2) Send your thoughts by mail . Helps set the context for more detailed discussions.
3) Schedule more time for the #conversations than normal to listen to the others story and sharing yours
5) Don’t make assumptions and do not be shy of asking for details.
6) Be calm before you step into the conversation. Physical distance makes it even more complicated to resolve emotional reactions.

These are in addition to those you would have learned and used while having difficult conversations face to face including uncovering contributions , differentiating between impact and intention , solving for the problem etc.

Look to learn from your experiences .

B82 You can stay humble, while showcasing your work ,its impact and value.

Visibly demonstrating impact and value of work is as important as creating impact and delivering value.

Growing up many of us have been taught that our work needs to speak for itself , not to talk of it and to stay humble.

I have seen many a competent person fail to get adequate opportunities to fulfil their potential because of this self-limiting belief.

One can stay humble, while showcasing impact. The key is to practise detaching your ego from your work and creation. Think Sundar Pichai and the way he talks of the work at google and its impact on people or AR rahman and his acceptance speech at the Oscars and you know what I am talking about.

B81 Keep a written record to overcome anxiety

Anxiety is a form of fear that arises at the " thought " of something going wrong in the future, rather than right now.

Keeping a written record of what makes you anxious (the specific thoughts and the triggers ) helps you understand yourself , the underlying beliefs and your anxieties better and see some of these anxieties for what they truly are " imaginary " and " without any real basis ".

It helps you then focus your energies on the remaining obstacles and challenges.

Sure other techniques like meditation , breathing, yoga ,a healthy lifestyle , and having support of people to talk to ( family, confidant, mentor, counsellor ) do help .

But keeping a written record helps us see things in the right perspective .

Try it out if you are experiencing anxiety.

B80 "Difficult conversations"

 "Difficult conversations" by Douglas Stone Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project is one book that i keep going back to and recommend to people who want to have difficult conversations in any context be it professional or personal. Has great practical insights and wisdom.

A few snippets

There are 3 identity issues that we grapple with and which we fear will disrupt our sense of who we are ( our self image )

Am I competent?
Am I a good person?
Am I worthy of love ?

While we work on accepting parts of ourself that we dont like to see and which we struggle with , three things make the process of self acceptance easier.

1. Admitting that we make mistakes
2. Acknowledging that our intentions are complex , and not always noble
3. Accepting responsibility for our role in contributing to the problem

As more and more of us grapple with increasing challenges in the current #covid19 circumstances, this is one source that will serve as a good guide in having those seemingly challenging conversations.

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